Tuesday, February 3, 2015

IT'S WAR!: FRICTION BETWEEN GROUNDHOGS AND GOVERNMENT RAISING CONCERNS

The division between groundhogs and America is widening every day. After Mayor de Blasio dropped Staten Island Chuck, groundhogs are letting people know that they are tired of being used, type casted and stigmatized as mere purveyors of meteorological voodoo and amusement.

Jimmy the Groundhog made a suicide attempt on Wisconsin Mayor yesterday in the middle of their Groundhog Day Ceremony.

In retaliation we see many jurisdictions striking back. An Ohio prosecutor is reportedly seeking the death penalty for Punxsutawney Phil who emerged from his home in Gobbler’s Knob, Pa., on Feb. 2 and did not see his shadow.







Close encounter: Sun Prairie Mayor Jonathan Freund, left, leans in for Jimmy's prognostication just before being bitten on ear by the groundhog during the Groundhog - the critter's handler, Jerry Hahn, is seen right

Close encounter: Sun Prairie Mayor Jonathan Freund, left, leans in for Jimmy's prognostication just before being bitten on ear by the groundhog during the Groundhog - the critter's handler, Jerry Hahn, is seen right


“Let's face it, Punxsutawney Phil has let us down,” Gmoser said, tongue firmly in cheek, after filing the necessary court documents. “I awoke this morning to a snowstorm, low temperatures and howling wind.”
"Maybe it's time for a Phyllis instead."
- Butler County (Ohio) Prosecutor Michael Gmoser
Spring began Wednesday, but local forecasts in the Pittsburgh area and throughout Pennsylvania show a good chance of snow this weekend and into next week.
“We in Butler County, like everyone in the nation, depend on Phil to give us a breath of spring in time,” Gmoser said. “You know, Phil lives his life behind bars as it is. This is the only penalty available. Maybe it's time for a Phyllis instead.”
 

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